Yes, he has a life!


Now, when you imagine me (which of course you often do), you no doubt see me sitting at the computer eight or nine hours a day, taking just the occasional break to eat, stretch or pee, until I go crazy. And you are right. Every so often, however, I venture outside. It’s actually remarkably easy – all you have to do is open the door (not even that if you live in a cave), pop your head out to see if it’s safe, and go for a stroll. To any one else of my ilk, it’s an experience I recommend.

Thus it was that yesterday, I went to the beach, where I saw sand, water and sunlight. ‘Very pretty,’ I said to myself. ‘I must do this more often.’ So here are a few pictures to show you what I mean – as you can see, there was even an Easter hen along for the ride.

Naturally, I went for a swim. And there I was, happily watching the coloured creatures beneath me, when – ouch! I whirled round and there was a fish staring at me, having just sunk its sweet little razor-sharp teeth into my toe.

My friends said it was probably a baliste, so as soon as I got back, I checked. It wasn’t. A baliste is a triggerfish, and they are indeed aggressive, but this thing, though not so tall, was a good bit longer. And I don’t think it was aggressive, actually, it just saw a little pink thing and thought, ‘Yummy!’ When I snarled at it (as best I could under water) and thrashed about, it wasn’t in the least impressed, it just kept staring, wondering which bit it was going to try next. Eventually, it decided that whatever was attached to the toe was more trouble than it was worth, and drifted lazily away.

So there you go. Typical. Step outside your door and you end up in Jaws. I think tomorrow I’ll stay in front of the computer.