G is for Ghost Writer


Number 7 in The A to Z of the Writer’s Affliction, part of the A to Z blogging challenge.

I was recently contacted by one of my readers, Algernon Worth, who not having a blog himself, asked me if I could post an appeal on his behalf. So here it is:

Hello, everyone. My name is Algernon Worth and I’m looking for a ghost writer. I would like him or her to write the story of my life. This is a challenge because my life has not been interesting. Over the years there have occasionally been moments that I have found interesting myself, but few other people share that opinion. In my view, that makes the opinion itself interesting, but no one else agrees with that appraisal. My wife and children assure me that apart from themselves, nothing of interest has ever happened to me. However, should anyone wish to take up the challenge, I would be extremely grateful. I provide here a few biographical details.

After leaving school (Nogglepool Comprehensive), I entered a firm of Chartered Surveyors, Nibbleton and Grimshaw, where I worked all my life until I retired four years ago. Not being keen on travel, I have rarely ventured beyond the environs of Nogglepool. During my spare time, I make matchstick models. I made my first, a miniature chair, at the age of 15. Over the years, I became more ambitious. In my garage are models of the Eiffel Tower, HMS Victory, the Abominable Snowman, the Kalahari Desert, communism, the complete works of Shakespeare and my own garage, containing miniature models of my models. My current project is the universe, on which I have been working for eleven years.

I recognise that as a life, it lacks the drama of a Captain Scott or the bulk of a Winston Churchill. However, I am confident that as soon as the ghost writer understands the beauty of matchstick models, he or she will bring to life in fascinating detail the art of making them. This belief stems from the fact that writing a book, I am reliably informed, is a very similar process. You stick one sentence onto another and when you have 4284 sentences stuck together, you have a book. And you say to yourself, ‘Ah! How pretty!’ Then you put it in the garage and the next day you start another.

Candidates for the position of Ghost Writer are requested to contact me at algworth.gmail.com, stating how many sentences they have stuck together and how many books they have in their garage.