In the beginning


  1. In the beginning, Zucker said, ‘Let there be Facebook,’ and there was Facebook. Zucker saw that Facebook was good, and He separated profiles from pages and said, ‘Go figure, you schmucks.’
  2. And verily Curtis tried to figure, and eventually he did, and he set up a profile and then created a page.
  3. And on the page was written Create Page@username, and when Curtis tried to modify this, Zucker said unto him, ‘Thou art not eligible.’
  4. And Curtis wept, for ineligible means ‘not allowed to do or have something according to particular rules’, yet he knew not what the rules were.
  5. And Curtis prayed to Zucker and beseeched Him to reveal the rules, but Zucker said, ‘Go figure, you schmuck.’
  6. So Curtis went and figured.
  7. And the rule was, ‘Thou shalt not modify Create Page@username till thy page has been liked 25 times.’
  8. And Curtis wept, for his page had only 16 likes. And he said to Zucker, ‘Why hast thou made this rule, O Zucker? For my page is not liked enough and I am nameless.’
  9. And Zucker said, ‘Weep not, but go forth and be liked. For thou livest not in the Cambrian Age or the Silurian Age, thou livest in the Kardashian Age, and unless thou art liked on Facebook, thou canst not truly exist.’
  10. So Curtis went forth and beseeched the multitude to like his page, and he prayed that the multitude would share and reblog and go to his page and click ‘Like.’ For verily Curtis was dismayed to be nameless in the eyes of Zucker, and he wished to truly exist.